Dear PTSA…My name is Alyse and I love dance parties…

June 4, 2010

…That’s what I imagine I probably wrote to my junior high school’s Parent Teacher Student Association–after livin’ it up on a Friday night as a measly 7th grader in the Carl Sandburg gymnasium–to warrant the following handwritten thank-you note (circa 1995).

Here is a picture of me (yes, that’s a big, red bow in my hair) with my best friends, Amy & Carrie, on our way out my parents’ front door to the aforementioned first dance. The funny thing is, despite the fact that the PTSA followed through and hosted many more Friday night dances, the only other one I ever remember going to was the night before our 8th grade graduation, where we all spent most of the night bawling our eyes out, scared of friendships we’d lose once we hit high school.

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In 1998 I wanted “more arm muscle” & Matt Damon…

April 19, 2010

Who knew that at 15 years old (7 months, 1 week and 3 days away from turning 16!!!) I’d have the foresight to print out this incredible AOL survey about myself?
And who knew that 7 years after declaring my obsession with SNL, I’d actually end up interning there?

Here are some highlights:
If I could change one thing about myself, I’d get “more arm muscle.” (epic fail.)
If I could be stranded on an island with anyone in the whole world the person I’d choose to be with is Matt Damon (wtf?).
Apparently, I love Las Vegas. (False.)

Below you can click on each of the 4 printed documents for more mind-blowing illuminations of the teenage psyche.
Lucky you.

A typical family meal

April 12, 2010

Kudos to my family for never failing to be themselves in public…even when that includes singing Dixie Chicks, talking on the phone at the table and clearing your throat loud enough that it scares little children.

A Solar Calculator?!

April 10, 2010

For my 7th birthday I received a solar calculator. Clearly could not contain my excitement.

FOUND: My 20-year-old solar calculator. And it still works!

Lost In Translation

April 6, 2010

Oh Leo, oh Leo wherefore art thou, Leo? I will probably never know because I drew your face in the likeness of a bloodthirsty zombie. At least I took the time to cross it out.

I was borderline obsessed with the 1996 modern-day version of the epic “Romeo & Juliet” movie. So much so that I

  1. listened to the soundtrack on loop non-stop
  2. made a HUGE black cloth banner that I tacked to my bedroom ceiling with the logo text painted on it (i’ll find a picture to post to illustrate this*)
  3. apparently was so inspired that I thought I could draw (see above. and, well, below too.)
  4. still have my movie ticket stub somewhere

I also loved “Forrest Gump.” Still do. Still can’t draw. (and by still, I mean I found this on the page following the R&J attempt…I think I was on a kick of drawing movie soundtrack album artwork.)

Memory: Making home videos at Abbi’s house and wearing a strapless nude bra and nothing else, holding a guitar as Jenny does in the strip club scene and attempting to sing, “Blowin’ In The Wind.”

*FOUND

Proof that Amy & I have been BFFs for 20 years

April 5, 2010

My first real diary (believe it or not, I actually have one with extremely brief entries prior to this) begins in the Summer of ’89, right before I began first grade. In first grade I met several kids who I’m still friends with today, 20 years later. One of those kids was Amy Nicholson, who is still one of my closest friends and practically my roommate as she and her sister, Lisa, currently live in the apartment above mine.

Both of these diary entries were written in April of 1990 (so exactly 20 years ago to the month), both about spending time wtih Amy after school and both overly detailed. Not only do these entries document our friendship but the second one documents the first time I ever tasted Ocean Spray cran-raspberry juice, something I’ve been drinking ever since that day. So, again, for 20 years. Some things never change…and I kind of like that.

April 3, 1990

April 24, 1990

I was a hipster before hipsters were hipsters

April 3, 2010

Dance Teacher: Alyse, you know you can’t wear jeans to class.
Alyse: They’re.Span-dex. [as I pull back the stretchy, shiny fabric and let it snap back onto my leg]

Oh, 1993…the year before I changed into an authority-defying miss sassy pants. Literally. I thought my fake jeans were the shit.

And let’s examine the rest of my haphazard concoction of an outfit.

  • L.A. Lights hightops
  • A magical-looking rock necklace
  • Purple socks
  • Fish skeleton earrings
  • Misshapen baseball cap

So, take that hipsters. I pretty much started the hipster movement when I was 11.

I’m a bitch…I’m a lover…

April 2, 2010

Upon hearing Meredith Brooks’ song, “Bitch,” on the radio today (for the first time in 15 years), I’d like to give a shout-out to my mom who wouldn’t allow me to do an interpretive dance to the song at my 8th grade graduation party in front of both family and friends. Thanks mom!

…although a video of that would have made for a more hilarious post 😉

If you lead a puppy to kibble…

April 2, 2010

Hmm…apparently, you have to pay a lot of money to be able to upload videos directly from your computer…I found a way around this glitch by using an embed code off my youtube channel…however, the video I wanted to use (which gels better with the general theme of this blog) is not currently on youtube…so for now, enjoy this hilarious video of 6-week-old Stella the pug sticking her gerbil-sized face in a bowl (7/2008).

WWJTTD?

April 2, 2010

What would Jonathan Taylor Thomas do? Probably not cut out and staple together a mini BOP magazine of himself, place it in the front pocket of his shorts overalls and attend the first day of junior high with his face peeking out the top. That kind of embarrassment is only left for–you guessed it–yours truly.

Somewhere a photo exists of me wearing the aforementioned short overalls, with this mini mag strategically placed front and center, posing for the annual first-day-of-the-school-year photo op. When I find it, you’ll be the first to know.

Update (4/28/10): Found it.